One of the hardest parts of this divorce has been my ability to understand the need for having friends.From the onset, it's not my strength. I'm known to be a private, proud person, not someone who reaches out. This isn't by design, I guess I've just found myself this way, not wanting to burden others with my troubles. I don't feel comfortable. Short of one very close friend, I don't share my life. It's my struggle and it can be very lonely.
But, now is the time for friends.
"You need to reach out," my close one has told me. "You need to enlist others in your truth." I guess I never even considered this, instead hoping I could fly below the radar, and keep under low cover until the storm above clears. But this tends to tear you apart, inside. Bottled up fears and emotions can be poisonous things. You start to worry about stepping out of the house, wondering who is talking about you on street corners, what they think about you at your kids' schools, even what the grocery store cashier thinks.
Truthfully, if you desert yourself on an island, you will likely die of anxiety long before you find yourself starving.
I received a phone call last week from an unlikely friend. One of those "couple friends" whom I had never counted on hearing from, and whom I decided would side with Anne. She called to ask if I was okay, and to say they are there for me. There for me... I was shaken. I was fallen. It really helped to hear those words. She further told me they (husband and she) hadn't reached out to me because they didn't think I was someone you did that with. She said lots of people know me well, and know I'm not a villain.
I needed to hear this. I need to hear more.
My close one, along with my therapist, have challenged me to reach out. Insisting. Find some key people each week and bring them into my world. I haven't done a very good job at it, but here is my process for reaching out:
- Just be honest.
- Don't trash Anne, or make them choose sides.
- Tell them it's hard for me, and I need their friendship.
- Thank them for listening.
I'm not very good at it, but it has to be my reality. I can't sit on an island waiting for the ship to arrive. Likely, I'll wilt away inside before it reaches me.
I need to reach out.
Thank you, friend.
(happy89)
