First off, you know these words will be used against you. It's the battlecry of a relationship ended, when someone else decides to end it. "Oh, wait 'till I tell everybody what a jerk you are." It's the natural next step in a phase of disfunction. It's anger, and resentment, and those words are meant to cause a fearful reaction.
It works.
Why do I care what everbody thinks? My first impulse is to care, because I'm not that guy. (Actually, I feel quite the opposite -- that she's the bully.) I guess I hate that my reputation in town might be ruined, spoiled in such a haphazard way, and by someone who is purposely trying to hurt me.
But then I realize, who am I worrying about? Seriously... what are their names? Is it Chuck and Sue, who may side with her because our kids play together? Is it Meghan, who lives to bring homemade soup to all those in town who are suffering? Is it Ronnie, a divorcee herself who has already expressed her understanding of my situation, but has a longstanding rapport with Anne through her own relationship woes?
Who? Who am I worried about?
I honestly don't know. I tell myself that anyone who thinks badly of me probably wasn't on my side to begin with... probably wasn't my friend in the first place. They probably aren't worth my headspace.
But still... it hurts. Words can hurt when they prey on your fears and uncertainties. Some people are good at that, I guess.
I'm not a villain. I'm just a dad, and a man trying to feel better about himself.
It'll come. In time.
